3.The Husband-Wife Relationship

With, piety as the basis of mate selection, and with the earnest satisfaction of the conditions of marriage, the parties should be, well on the way to a happy and fulfilling married life. However, Islam goes much further than this in setting the course of behavior for husbands and wives. Many ire the statements of the Qur’an and the Sunnah that prescribe kindness and equity, compassion and love, sympathy and consideration, patience and good will. The Prophet goes as far as to declare that the best Muslim is the one who is best to his family, and the greatest, most blessed joy in life is a good, righteous wife.

The consummation of marriage creates new roles for the parties concerned. Each role is a set of equitable, proportionate rights and obligations. The role of the husband evolves around the moral principle that it is his solemn duty to God to treat his wife with kindness, honor, and patience; to keep her honorably or free her from the marital bond honorably; and to cause her no harm or grief (Qur’an, 2:229-232; 4:19). The role of the wife is summarized in the verse that women have rights even as they have duties, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree over them (2:228). This degree is usually interpreted by Muslim scholars in conjunction with another passage which states among other things, that men are trustees, guardians, and protectors of women because God has made some of them excel others and because men expend of their means (Qur’an, 4:34). This degree may be likened to what sociologists call "instrumental leadership" or external authority in the household due to the division of labor and role differentiation. It does not, however, mean any categorical discrimination or superiority of one sex to the other.

  1. The Wife’s Rights: The Husband’s Obligations.
  2. Translated into rules of behavior, these ethical principles allocate to the wife certain rights and corresponding obligations. Because the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet have commanded kindness to women, it is the husband’s duty to consort with his wife in an equitable and kind manner. One specific consequence of this Divine command is his responsibility for the full maintenance of the wife, a duty which he must discharge cheerfully, without reproach, injury, or condescendence.

    Components of Maintenance. Maintenance entails the wife’s incontestable right to lodging, clothing, nourishing, and general care and well-being. The wife’s residence must be adequate so as to provide her with the reasonable level of privacy, comfort, and independence. Foremost is the welfare of the wife and the stability of the marriage. What is true of the residence is true of clothing, food, and general care. The wife has the right to be clothed, fed, and cared for by the husband, in accordance with his means and her style of life. These rights are to be exercised without extravagance or miserliness.

    Non-Material Rights. The wife’s material rights are not her only assurances and securities. She has other rights of a moral nature; and they are equally binding and specific. A husband is commanded by the law of God to treat his wife with equity, to respect her feelings, and to show her kindness and consideration. She is not to be shown any aversion by the husband or subjected to suspense and uncertainty. A corollary of this rule is that no man is allowed to keep his wife with the intention of inflicting harm on her or hindering her freedom. If he has no love or sympathy for her, she has the right to demand freedom from the marital bond, and no one may stand in her way to a new life.

  3. The Wife's Obligations: The Husband’s Rights.

The main obligation of the wife as a partner in a marital relationship is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage as much as possible. She must be attentive to the comfort and well-being of her mate. She may neither offend him nor hurt his feelings. Perhaps nothing can illustrate the point better than the Qur’anic statement which describes the righteous people as those who pray:

Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the joy and the comfort of Our eyes, and guide us to be models of righteousness (Qur’an. 25:74).

This is the basis on which all the wife’s obligations rest and from which they flow. To fulfill this basic obligation, the wife must be faithful, trustworthy, and honest. More specifically, she must not deceive her mate by deliberately avoiding conception lest it deprive him of legitimate progeny. Nor must she allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband’s right, i.e. sexual intimacy. A corollary or this is that she must not receive or entertain strange males in her home without his knowledge and consistent. Nor may she accept their gifts without his approval. This is probably meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion, gossip, etc., and also to maintain the integrity of all parties concerned. The husband’s possessions are her trust. If she has access to any portion thereof, or if she is entrusted with any fund, she must discharge her duty wisely and thriftily. She may not lend or dispose of any of his belongings with out his permission.

With respect to intimacy, the wife is to make herself desirable, to be attractive, responsive, and cooperative. A wife may not deny herself to her husband, for the Qur’an speaks of them as a comfort to each other. Due consideration is, of course, given to health and decency. Moreover, the wife is not permitted to do anything that may render her companionship less desirable or less gratifying. If she does any such thing or neglects herself, the husband has the right to interfere with her freedom to rectify the situation. To insure maximum self-fulfillment for both partners, he is not permitted to do anything on his part that may impede her gratification.

4. The Parent-Child Relationship

  1. The Child’s Rights- The Parent’s Duties.
  2. Islam’s general approach to children may be summarized in a few principles. First, it is a divine injunction that no child may become the cause of harm to the parents (Qur’an, 2:233). Secondly, by implication the parents should reciprocate and cause the child no harm either. The Qur’an recognizes very clearly that parents are not always immune from over protectiveness or negligence. On the basis of this recognition, it has, thirdly, established certain guidelines and pointed out certain facts with respect to children. It points out that children are joys of life as well as sources of pride, seeds of vanity and false security, fountains of distress and temptation. But it hastens to stress the greater joys of the spirit and caution parents against overconfidence, false pride, or misdeeds that might be caused by children. The religious moral principle of this position is that every individual, parent or child, relates to God directly and is independently responsible for his deeds. No child can absolve the parent on the Day of Judgment. Nor can a parent intercede on behalf of his child. Finally, Islam is strongly sensitive to the crucial dependence of the child on the parents. Their decisive role in forming the child’s personality is clearly recognized in Islam. In a very suggestive statement, the Prophet declared that, every child is born into the true malleable nature of fitrah (i.e., the pure natural state of Islam), its parents later on make it into a Jew, Christian or pagan.

    According to these guidelines, and more specifically, one of the most inalienable rights of the child in Islam is the right to life and equal life chances. Preservation of the child’s life is the third commandment in Islam. (6:151, cf. 17:23 ff).

    Another equally inalienable right is, the right of legitimacy, which holds that every child shall have a father, and one father only. A third set of rights comes under socialization, upbringing, and general care. To take good care of children is one of the most commendable deeds in Islam. The Prophet was fond of children and he expressed his conviction that his Muslim community would be noted among other communities for its kindness to children. It is charity of a higher order to attend to their spiritual welfare, educational needs, and general well- being. Interest in and responsibility for the child’s welfare are questions of first priority. According to the Prophet’s instructions, by the seventh day the child should be given a good, pleasant name and its head should be shaved, along with all the other hygienic measures required for healthy growing. This should be made a festive occasion marked with joy and charity.

    Responsibility for and compassion toward the child is a matter of religious importance as well as social concern. Whether the parents are alive or deceased, present or absent, known or unknown, the child is to be provided with optimum care. Whenever there are executors or relatives close enough to be held responsible for the child’s welfare, they shall be directed to discharge this duty. But if there is no next of kin, care for the child becomes a joint responsibility of tire entire Muslim community, designated officials and commoners alike.

  3. The Child's Duties: The Parent's Rights.

The parent-child relationship is complementary. Parent and child in Islam are bound together by mutual obligations and reciprocal commitments. But the age differential is sometimes so wide as to cause parents to grow physically weak and mentally feeble. This is often accompanied by impatience, degeneration of energy, heightened sensitivity, and perhaps misjudgment. It may also result in abuses of parental authority or intergenerational estrangement and uneasiness, something similar to what is now called the "generation gap". It was probably in view of these considerations that Islam has taken cognizance of certain facts and made basic provisions to govern the individual's relationship to his parents.

The fact that parents are advanced in age and are generally believed to be more experienced does not by itself validate their views or certify their standards. Similarly, youth per se is not the sole fountain of energy, idealism, or wisdom. In various contexts, the Qur’an cites instances where the parents were proven wrong in their encounter with their children and also where children misjudged the positions of their parents (see Qur’an, 6:74; 11:42-46; 19:42-48).

More significant, perhaps, is the fact that customs, folkways, traditions, or the parents value system and standards do not in themselves constitute truth and rightness. In several passages the Qur’an strongly reproaches those who may stray away from the truth just because it is new to them, or contrary to the familiar, or incompatible with the parents values. Furthermore, it focalizes the fact that if loyalty or obedience to the parents is likely to alleviate the individual from God, he must side with God, as it were, It is true, the parents merit consideration, love, compassion, and mercy. But if they step out of their proper line to intrude upon the rights of God, a demarcation line must be drawn and maintained.

The Qur’an sums up the whole question in the master concept of ihsan, which denotes what is right, good, and beautiful. The practical implications of the concept of ihsan to the parents entail active empathy and patience, gratitude and compassion, respect for them and prayers for their souls, honoring their legitimate commitments and providing them with sincere counsel.

One basic dimension of ihsan is deference. Parents have the right to expect obedience from their children if only in partial return for what the parents have done for them. But if parents demand the wrong or ask for the improper, disobedience becomes not only justifiable, but also imperative. Obey or disobey, the children’s attitude toward parents may not be categorical submissiveness or irresponsible defiance.

The last integral part of ihsan to be mentioned here is that children are responsible for tire support and maintenance of parents. It is an absolute religious duty to provide for the parents in case of need and help them to make their lives as comfortable as possible.

5. Other Aspects of the Family Life

Closely connected with the family life is the treatment of "servants", other family members, relations, and neighbors. To those who keep permanent maids. Prophet Muhammad has given advice and good tidings. "Masters" are enjoined to treat their servants like brothers, and not like slaves, because whoever treats his servant well, said the Prophet, God will make his death easy and pleasant, a moment which is ordinarily painful and difficult. Servants are en titled to justice, kindness, mercy, food, clothing, accommodation and other personal expenses. The Prophet goes as far as to say that they should be fed and dressed of the same stuff as used by their masters, and this is to be provided by the masters themselves as a part of their obligations to the servants. These are not to be persecuted or disdained or overcharged with work. This stipulation is designed to show how Islam dignifies humanity and honors labor without inviting the class warfare or the despotic authority of the proletariat. Being a servant or laborer does not deprive any person of his rights or affect his dignity as a human being. Nor does it make him addicted to the opium of the utopian proletariat. All citizens of a real Muslim society stand on equal footing, because Islam does not recognize the caste system or the second class citizenship. The only superiority acknowledged by Islam is that of piety and good deeds in the service of God (Qur’an, 9:105; 49:13).

Man is ordained by God to extend his utmost help and kindness to other family members and relations, to show them true feelings of love and care. It might be interesting to note that the word ‘kinship’ in Arabic is derived from a root word which means mercy (Rahim and Rahmah). Kindness to one’s kinsfolk is a short cut to Paradise, which is otherwise forbidden for those who neglect their duties in, this respect. The extension of kind treatment to relatives is described by the Prophet as a Divine blessing of one’s life and provisions. It is a sacred duty to be good to the kin even though they may not respond in a similar way. The duty is enjoined by God and should be observed for the sake of God regardless of the kin's response (Qur’an, 2:177; 4:36; 16:90; 17:23-26).

The status of neighbors is very high in the viewpoint of Islam. Neighbors of all kinds enjoy a great number of privileges conferred on them by Islam. In his elaboration on the Qur’anic teachings relevant to this point, Prophet Muhammad is reported as saying that nobody can be a true Believer unless his neighbors feel secure and safe from his side. Also, nobody can be a true Believer, if his neighbors pass the night hungry while he has his belly full. He who is best to his neighbors, stated the Prophet, will enjoy the neighborhood of God on the Day of Resurrection. Presents, gifts and sharing of joys and sorrows should be exchanged between neighbors. In another declaration the Prophet said: "Do you know what the rights of a neighbor are? Help him if he asks your help; give him relief if he seeks your relief; lend him if he needs loan; show him concern if he is distressed; nurse him when he is ill, attend his funeral if he dies; congratulate him it he meets any good; sympathize with him if any calamity befalls him; do not block his air by raising your building high without his permission; harass him not; give him a share when you buy fruits, and if you do not give him, bring your buys right to your house quietly and let not your children take them out to excite the anger of his children". Moreover, the Prophet is reported as having said that the rights of the neighbors were so much emphasized by the angel Gabriel that he thought neighbors would perhaps be entitled to partake of one’s inheritance. (See also the verses numbered in the previous paragraph).

The Social Life

The social life of the true Muslim is based upon supreme principles and designed to secure happiness with prosperity for the individual as well as for the society. Class warfare, social castes and domination of the individual over society or vice versa are alien to the social life of Islam. No where in the Qur’an or the Traditions of Prophet Muhammad can one find any mention of superiority on account of class or origin or wealth. On the contrary, there are many verses of the Qur’an and sayings of Muhammad to remind mankind of the vital facts of life, facts which serve at the same time as principles of the social structure of the Islamic life. Among these is the fact that humanity represents one family springing from one and the same father and mother, and aspiring to the same ultimate goals.

The unity of mankind is conceived in the light of the common parentage of Adam and Eve. Every human being is a member of the universal family established by the First Father and the First Mother, and is entitled therefore to enjoy the common benefits as he is enjoined to share the common responsibilities. When people realize that they all belong to Adam and Eve and that these were the creation of God, there will be no room for racial prejudice or social injustice or second class citizenship. People will be united in their social behavior as they are united in nature by the bond of common parentage. In the Qur’an and the Traditions of Muhammad there is a constant reminder of this important fact, the unity of humanity by nature and origin. This is to eliminate racial pride and claims to national or ethnic superiority, and pave the way for genuine brotherhood (Qur’an, 4: 1; 7:189; 49: 10-13).

The unity of humanity is not only in its origin but also in its ultimate aims. According to Islam, the final goal of humanity is God. From Him we come, for Him we live and to Him we shall all return. In fact, the sole purpose of creation as described by the Qur’an is to worship God and serve His cause, the cause of truth and justice, of love and mercy, of brotherhood and morality (Qur’an, 51:56-58).

On this unity of origin and ultimate goal as the background of the social life in Islam, the relations between the individual and society are based. The role of the individual is complementary to that of society. Between the two there are social solidarity and mutual responsibility. The individual is responsible for the common welfare and prosperity of his society. This responsibility is not only to the society but also to God. In this way the individual works with a sound social-mindedness and a genuine feeling of inescapable responsibility. It is his role to do the utmost for his society and contribute to its common welfare. On the other hand, the society is also responsible to God for the welfare of the individual. When the individual is able he is the contributor and society is the beneficiary. In return he is entitled to security and care, should he become disabled. In this case he is the beneficiary and society is the contributor. So duties and rights correspond harmoniously. Responsibility and concern are mutual. There is no state to dominate the individual and abrogate his personal entity. Likewise, there is no individual or class of individuals to exploit the society and corrupt the State. There is harmony with peace and mutual security. There is a constructive interaction between the individual and society

Besides the unity of humanity in origin and ultimate goal, and besides this mutual responsibility and concern, the social life of Islam is characterized by cooperation in goodness and piety. It is marked with full recognition of the individual and his sacred rights to life, property and honor. It is also marked with an effective role played by the individual in the domain of social morals and ethics. In an Islamic society the individual cannot be indifferent. He is enjoined to play an active part in the establishment of sound social morals by way of inviting to the good and combating the evil in any form with all lawful means at his disposal. In so doing, not only does he shun evil and do good but also helps others to do the same. The individual who feels indifferent to his society is a selfish sinner; his morals are in trouble, his conscience is in disorder, and his faith is undernourished.

The structure of social life in Islam is very lofty, sound and comprehensive. Among the substantial elements of this structure are sincere love for one’s fellow human beings, mercy, for the young, respect for the elders, comfort and consolation for the distressed, visiting the sick, relieving the grieved, genuine feelings of brotherhood and social solidarity; respect for the rights of other people; to life, property, and honor; mutual responsibility between the individual and society, It is a common thing to come across Prophetic statements like these:

Whoever relieves a human being from a grief of this world, God will relieve him from a grief on the Day of Judgment.

Anyone who has no mercy on the juniors and respect for the seniors is not one of us Muslims.

None of you is a true believer in Islam until and unless he loves for his fellow man what he loves for his own self.

Whoever invites others to good is like the doer of good and will be rewarded accordingly, and whoever instigates evil is like the doer of evil and will be punished accordingly.

In the Qur’an, on the other hand, one finds numerous Divine instructions like these:

0 you who believe! Mind God as He should be minded, and die not except in a state of Islam. And hold fast, all together, by the Rope of God, and be not divided among yourselves. And remember with gratitude God’s favor on you; for you were enemies and He joined your hearts in love, so that by His Grace you have become brethren; and you were on the brink of the Pit of Fire and He saved you from it. Thus does God make His Signs clear to you that you may be guided. Let there arise out of you a band of people inviting to all that is good, enjoining what is right, and forbidding what is wrong. They are the ones to attain felicity (3:102-104).

0 you who believe! Fulfill all obligations ... and help you one another in righteousness and piety, but help you not one another in sin and rancor. Mind God; for God is strict in punishment (5: 1-3).

In addition to what has already been said, the social patterns of Islam could be seen, once more, in the last sermon of Prophet Muhammad during the course of pilgrimage. Addressing the tens of thousands of pilgrims, he said, among other things:

 

0 people! listen to my words, for I know not whether another year will be vouchsafe to me after this to find myself amongst you at this place.

Your lives and properties are sacred and inviolable amongst one another until you appear before the Lord, as this day of this month is sacred for all. And remember that you shall have to appear before your Lord Who shall demand from you an account of all your actions.

 

0 people! you have rights over your wives and your wives have rights over you. Treat your wives with love and kindness. Verily you have taken them as the trust of God, and have made their persons lawful unto you by the words of God. Keep always faithful to the trust reposed in you, and avoid sins.

Henceforth, the vengeance of blood practiced in the days of ignorance and paganism is prohibited and all blood feud abolished.

And your slaves! See that you feed them with such food as you eat yourselves. And clothe them with the stuff you wear; and if they commit a fault which you are not inclined to forgive, then part from them, for they are the servants of the Lord, and are not to be harshly treated.

0 people! Listen to my words and understand the same. Know that all Muslims are brothers unto one another. You are One Brotherhood. Nothing which belongs to another is lawful unto his brother unless freely given out of good will. Guard yourselves from committing injustice.

 

Like this day of this month in this territory sacred and inviolable, God has made the life and property and honor of each of you unto the other, until you meet your Lord.

 

Let him that is present tell it to him that is absent. Haply he that shall be told may remember better than he who has heard it.

 

Verily, I have fulfilled my mission. I have left that amongst you, a plain command, the Book of God, and manifest Ordinances which if you hold fast, you shall never go astray.

The Economic Life

The economic life of Islam is also based upon solid foundations and Divine instructions. Earning one's living through decent labor is not only a duty but a great virtue as well. Dependence of any able effortless person on somebody else for a livelihood is a religious sin, a social stigma and disgraceful humility.

A Muslim is enjoined by God to be self-supporting and to stay away from being a liability on anybody. Islam respects all kinds of work for earning one’s livelihood so long as there is no indecency or wrong involved. With a clear conscience and due respect from society the Muslim can roll up his sleeves and undertake any kind of work available to provide for himself and his dependents. Prophet Muhammad is reported as having said that it is far better for one even to take his rope, cut wood, pile it up and sell it in order to eat and give charity than to beg others whether they give him or not. According to Islam, the status of honest working men cannot be lowered on account of the kind of work they are doing for a living. Yet the laboring workers have no limited scope for improving their lots and raising their standards as high as possible. They have equal opportunities at their disposal and enjoy freedom of enterprise.

Whatever the individual makes or earns through lawful means is his private possession, which neither the State nor anybody else can justifiably claim. In return for this right of private possession he has only to fulfill certain obligations to the society and pay certain taxes to the State. When this is done, he has full rights to protection by the State, and his freedom of enterprise is secure and guaranteed. Under the Islamic system the menace of greedy capitalism and destructive communism never arises. The enterprising individual is responsible for the prosperity of the State, and the State in turn is responsible

for the security of the individual. Class conflicts are replaced by cooperation and harmony; fear and suspicion are remedied by mutual security and confidence.

The economic system of Islam is not drawn in the light of arithmetical calculations and capacities of production alone. Rather, it is drawn and conceived in the light of a comprehensive system of morals and principles. The person who is working for another person or for a firm or an institution is ordained by God to do his work with efficiency and honesty. The Prophet said that if any of you undertakes to do any work, God loves to see him do it well and with efficiency. Once the work is done, the worker is entitled to a fair wage for his services. Failure by the employer to pay the just wage, or attempts to cut it down and waver on it is a punishable act, according to the Law of God.

Business transactions enjoy a great deal of attention from Islam. Honest trade is permitted and blessed by God. This may be carried out through individuals, companies, agencies and the like. But all business deals should be concluded with frankness and honesty. Cheating, biding defects of merchandise from the dealers, exploiting the needs of customers, monopoly of stocks to force one’s own prices are all sinful acts and punishable by the Islamic Law. If one is to make a decent living, it has to be made through honest ways and hard endeavor. Otherwise, easy come, easy go, and it is not only that, but anybody that is bred with unlawful provisions will be, according to the Prophet, a burning fuel to the Hell Fire on the Day of Judgment. To combat cheating and exploitation, Islam demands honesty in business, warns the cheaters, encourages decent work and forbids usury or the taking of interest just in return for lending money to the needy. This is to show man that he rightfully owns only what he works for, and that exploitation of other people’s pressing needs is irreligious, inhuman and immoral. In the Qur’an God says:

Those who devour usury will not stand except as stands one whom the Evil One by his touch has driven to madness. That is because they say: ‘trade is like usury’. But God has permitted trade and forbidden usury. Those who, after receiving direction from their Lord, desist, shall be pardoned for the past; their case is for God (to judge). But those who repeat (the offense) are Companions of the Fire; they will abide therein (for ever). God will deprive usury of all blessing, but will give increase for deeds of charity; for He loves not creatures ungrateful and wicked (2:274-276).

And the Firmament has He raised high, and He has set up the Balance (of Justice) in order that you may not transgress (due) balance. So establish weight with justice and fall not short in the balance (55:7-9). This is to guide man to resort to justice and straightforwardness in all his dealings and transactions. The future of cheaters is grim and their doom is awful. Here is how the Qur’an looks into the matter:

Woe to those who deal in fraud, those who, when they have to receive by measure from men, exact full measure, but when they have to give by measure or weight to men give less than due. Do they not think that they will be called to account on a Mighty Day, a Day when (all) mankind will stand before the Lord of the Worlds (83:1-6)?